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5 Things I Wish We Knew - New Special Education Parent

Writer's picture: Destiny HuffDestiny Huff
In 2021 my oldest son started school and my husband, and I knew early on he would benefit from support due to some perfectionist thinking and behaviors that were a direct result of being too hard on himself. Being a mental health professional, I am big on COMMUNICATION, so I thought no worries I will communicate with his teacher and his school, set up a meeting and we will be good to go. Little did I know that would not be the case.

We reached out and sought support but unfortunately, we did not receive that support when needed but more importantly our son did not either. Prior to the challenging days that would be his KINDERGARTEN year and the adjustment that comes to new changes and structure our sweet boy was thriving. New adjustment, enjoyment, what do they call it … the honeymoon period. Then the work set in, and the struggles set in and because of that so did the behaviors.

This led to discipline reports, phone calls and notes home, and eventually the meeting that we had requested. After trying ALL THE THINGS, consequences, talking to our son, we realized we were missing something and what we were missing was why we the adults couldn’t give him the support he needed. So, we took the step to get a professional psychologist involved and to request a Special Education Evaluation. Which was by far one of the hardest things we had to do.

SPECIAL EDUCATION EVALUTION! You couldn’t have paid us to believe our son would need one of these, much less that we would be requesting one, but here we were. We felt defeated as parents, but we also felt sad for our son. What did this mean, how will this impact him? The answer was it BENEFITED him and got him the support he needed. And more importantly gave us the confidence to advocate for his needs because now we knew what his needs were. So, what was the result of the testing: a diagnosis of Autism along with an IEP for Social Emotional Developmental Delay.

Fast forward a few years later and we are still learning but more capable, ready, and prepared to advocate for ourselves as parents and more importantly advocate for our son who can’t always advocate for himself. Being military I knew that I could encounter this again and so that is why I became a Special Education Advocate.

5 Things I wish we knew as Special Education Parents?

  1. That all schools are not going to communicate with you the way you want or need - I always make it very clear that our son had an AMAZING teacher. She was learning and adapting and so we were but most importantly we were a team. Administration unfortunately was our hurdle to our sons success. We requested meetings prior to the school year starting, an FBA, a BIP, a Special Education Evaluation and every time were told, "oh he is fine, it will be fine". Until finally he was 1 more suspension from being put out.

  2. That parents new to the school system sometimes need support and assistance navigating the process - you don't always suspect that your learner has a disability or that they will require special education services and our son was undiagnosed at the time and essentially flew under the disability radar. Even though I had worked in the school setting and had family and friends that are educators (both my mother and sister) I still was not prepared for the treatment. In fact those close to me who worked in education were the ones who said, "Destiny you are giving them too much leeway and they are doing him and your family wrong".

  3. That you know your child but that in different settings they can display behaviors you haven’t seen - the biggest hurdle I had with administration was they kept implying I didn't know my child but I also implied they weren't seeing what they were saying they were. NO COLLABORATION. I finally had to acknowledge that in different settings people can respond and react different ways. So remember different settings can cause different responses. BUT also ...

  4. There is always a trigger and addressing that trigger can alleviate dysregulation labeled as misbehavior - just like different settings can cause different responses its important to acknowledge that there is always a trigger too, in my opinion. Meaning that the way I talk to my child is different than how someone else might. Also, knowing my learner's triggers means that I may respond differently and approach differently. So communicating that in a collaborative process can help.

  5. Sometimes you have to burn a bridge - I'm not a proponent of involving directors and getting people in trouble but honestly sometimes you have to go outside of the school and that's what we did. We went to the superintendent and then we were able to get our son what he needed and deserved as a disabled learner. I always say, "don't burn bridges unless you have to" and in this case we had to and I don't regret it one bit.


These are just 5 things I took from our first introduction to public school and special education and I have carried them with me ever since especially now that I have two learners in special educations and was ultimately late diagnosed Autistic Adhd myself. What would you recommend? Check out my 5 tips for new special education parents post too!


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